The day was a struggle. Couldn’t find things, couldn’t do art, my brain was not working, my feelings were painful and confused. I broke out a new brick of pennies, and sorted four rolls into years. I was still crying at the end of those 200 pennies, but I felt a little bit better. So I … read more Counting my pennies
Tag: 2015
Kandinsky on materialism
Feeling deprived of spirit and art, I started the morning by re-reading Wassily Kandinsky’s “Concerning the Spiritual in Art.” That got my day going right. One of the quotes I highlighted: Our minds, which are even now only just awakening after years of materialism, are infected with the despair of unbelief, of lack of purpose and … read more Kandinsky on materialism
Whatever makes you happy
I got a free therapy session, courtesy of a fellow caregiver. He wrote, My counselor asked me last night, “what makes you unhappy?” I was struck by that. I struggled to find something that made me unhappy. I started to blame (my ill spouse) for not taking care of herself, to justify my unhappiness. But … read more Whatever makes you happy
Walking through mud
For several weeks, I’ve been having strange sensations. As though I am melting, like chocolate in the hot sun. As though I am walking through mud and can’t pick up my feet. As though I weigh 400 pounds, even as my actual weight continues to drop. When these were just occasional and physical, they didn’t … read more Walking through mud
Lop lop loppers
On the drive in Friday, Tom flinched every time a branch scraped against Xena on Booger Hollow’s narrow and rhododendron-infested roads. So today, I got out the loppers to trim them back. It was a three-hour chore. But the destructive beast inside me was growling with delight to be off the leash. Loppers were unfamiliar to … read more Lop lop loppers
Zip it good
Amanda wanted badly to tell me something about the house, but she’d only met me a few hours before. She didn’t know how I’d react. She turned to her mom. “Should we tell her about… you know…” Judy looked at her daughter, face frozen. “The lady,” Amanda said. “You know. Out back.” Judy said, “Sure.” … read more Zip it good
Sunday therapy
Finally, a day off. Slept in. After I made coffee and brunch I was free for a few hours to write while Tom was reading. Like a normal Sunday. We came up with an ambitious agenda for the afternoon and evening. We wanted to go to the playfield so that Tom could walk on the track, … read more Sunday therapy
Fill in the blank
Because Tom can’t write much yet, I’m filling out his medical forms. It’s bad enough doing these stupid pieces of paper for myself; doing them for someone else is a real pain in the arse. First of all: Why the hell are these forms still on PAPER? The big advance for medical offices has been … read more Fill in the blank
Fitbit cheats
With all the schlepping I am doing lately, I figured it would be nice to get at least some kind of credit for it. So I donned Tom’s cast-off first-generation Fitbit. It’s great to get that little party on your wrist when you’ve taken 10,000 steps in a day. In the past couple weeks, I’ve been … read more Fitbit cheats
The homecoming
Tom got to come home today – and boy, was he ready. He’s now marked “independent” on getting in and out of bed and chair, showering and going to the toilet, and running around in his wheelchair. He has progressed so fast that I can’t keep up, and his therapists are truly impressed. He can … read more The homecoming