{"id":6367,"date":"2015-12-08T20:39:39","date_gmt":"2015-12-09T01:39:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/?p=6367"},"modified":"2019-05-15T13:49:28","modified_gmt":"2019-05-15T17:49:28","slug":"lost","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/?p=6367","title":{"rendered":"Lost"},"content":{"rendered":"

[December 8] So many\u00a0days, like today, I feel completely lost.<\/p>\n

I don’t know what I should be doing to “recover.” I get a little exercise, but everything else I do is very random. I sleep late, I wander to the couch, I eat, I take pills, I go to the bathroom. Twice a day I check email.<\/p>\n

Am I supposed to be forcing myself to read books and watch movies? It seems like that’s what a normal person would do when they’re recovering from surgery.<\/p>\n

But my brain says, “Nope. Not doing that.”<\/p>\n

Should I try to take walks, or push myself to do more of my physical therapy exercises?<\/p>\n

My brain doesn’t even bother to answer that. It just weights me down on the couch and refuses to let me up.<\/p>\n

I know that I’m recovering, and I guess there will be ups and downs. But it is sooooo slow. And I am so bored and frustrated.<\/p>\n

Everyone tells me, “Just relax. Take it easy. Don’t push yourself too hard.”<\/p>\n

My body will probably figure out that part.<\/p>\n

But my brain? How can my brain know what’s “too hard” for itself?<\/p>\n

Maybe it’s just tricking me into being lazy. Maybe it’s too confused to know what to do next. But who’s going to tell me?<\/p>\n

I don’t know why they don’t give you more instructions on the hospital discharge paper. \u00a0A list, with a specific lists of\u00a0tasks\u00a0for each day of the two or three months it takes to recover.\u00a0Week Three, Day Two: Walk at least 300 paces.\u00a0Week Three, Day Three: Write a list of what you’ll do when you’re well.<\/p>\n

Maybe not. But I need some guidance.<\/p>\n

I have to find the path back to my normal life, the one where I’m not afraid to be alone, where I can get through the week without sobbing, without anxiety attacks, with enough energy to carry out my work and keep myself fed and keep going to the gym.<\/p>\n

I don’t see the path.<\/p>\n

I don’t know the way.<\/p>\n

Or am I supposed\u00a0to move ahead into some new life where I’m different person?<\/p>\n

I don’t know how to do that, either.<\/p>\n

Today’s penny is 2004, the first year of six for the series “Lost.”<\/p>\n

\"Dec<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[December 8] So many\u00a0days, like today, I feel completely lost. I don’t know what I should be doing to “recover.” I get a little exercise, but everything else I do is very random. I sleep late, I wander to the couch, I eat, I take pills, I go to the bathroom. Twice a day I … read more Lost<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6443,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[318],"tags":[126,485,540,493,541,539,525,527,504],"class_list":["post-6367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-refraction","tag-126","tag-aneurysm","tag-boredom","tag-brain","tag-frustration","tag-lost","tag-normalcy","tag-path","tag-recovery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6367"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6367\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6451,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6367\/revisions\/6451"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6443"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lisaschnellinger.com\/pennies\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}