As I stepped out onto the broken deck, I felt a shifting, an instability, as though the whole house was moving under my feet. Vertigo… the house weaving as though to spin and suck me down into the earth. Though I wasn’t there when the oak fell, the impact hits me whenever I enter the house. We … read more Jagged edges
Tag: trauma
A thousand fears
Saturday’s supposed to be the easy, fun day. The one where you just relax and do whatever you feel like. I spent most of the day nearly paralyzed with anxiety. Every thought leads to a fear. In the shower, I move very slowly, afraid of falling. I watch Tom warily, because I’m afraid he will up … read more A thousand fears
Self, contained
It’s hard to think of myself as someone who’s been traumatized. That term should be reserved for people who have been victimized in some way, my critical inner voice says. People who were beaten, raped, or hit by shrapnel – that’s trauma. Today I found myself watching a video with therapist Peter Levine about “self-soothing” … read more Self, contained
Cry me a river
It comes out of nowhere. I’m going through the day just fine, and then suddenly I’m sobbing. No apparent reason. I don’t even feel depressed. But I’m crying my heart out. Sometimes it’s a couple times, or three times. Today, five or six times. I don’t know what it’s about. OK, I’m alone most of … read more Cry me a river