Friday my fortune cookie said, “Your dearest wish will come true.” Well, that would be nice. Maybe then I’d know what it is. In the early 1990s, I was struggling to figure out my next steps in life. A very wise friend of mine told me, “The hardest part is knowing what you want.” So … read more Day 76: Heart’s desire
Month: September 2015
Day 75: Hand me down
Yes, that’s me, and no, I was not a refugee from Russia. I am the youngest of four girls, and we all wore hand-me-downs from our cousins and siblings. They were sometimes embarrassingly ugly and shabby, but we were not allowed to complain about this. “Your father works hard,” Mom would say. The implication being, Whatever … read more Day 75: Hand me down
Day 74: Dipping in
I woke up early this morning certain of one thing: I will not live past this year. I will not survive past the age of 56. It was not a panic, nor a vague fear. Just a clear understanding: 56 is it, the final year. There was no image of death in a fiery wreck … read more Day 74: Dipping in
Day 73: I was a bimbo once, and young
Ah yes, bimbo days. I had ’em. Froofy big hair, shiny fabrics, tight fit, high heels, makeup. Sometimes I cannot believe the things I wore – wore because I thought they made me look sexy, which I understood to be the main purpose of clothes. Here I am on my 30th birthday, wearing a dress … read more Day 73: I was a bimbo once, and young
Day 72: Wearing what I choose
My choices in clothes just never seem to work out. On the last day of kindergarten, Mom allowed me to pick what I would wear. I chose an emerald-green corduroy jumper with little evergreen trees all over it. It was June, too hot to wear corduroy anything. But I insisted on being granted this privilege of choice. As I … read more Day 72: Wearing what I choose
Day 71: Scattered
I’m not sure if I should even be writing today. All day I have been unable to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. Peck, peck, neck swivel, peck, check email, peck peck, think about painting, peck peck, add up some numbers, peck peck, peck peck peck. Ever done that? … read more Day 71: Scattered
Day 70: Nowhere to go
I’m thirsty. But I can’t drink water, because then I’ll have to urinate. And there’s nowhere nearby to do that. I’m on my period. So I can’t go to school, because there’s no safe bathroom to go and change the pad. I went outside at night to urinate because there’s no toilet in our house. I … read more Day 70: Nowhere to go
Day 69: Six and nine
Day 69: When I was in high school, any mention of the number 69 would send us into a fit of giggles. We thought we were very savvy and cool for knowing the code number for mutual oral sex. When I first saw the symbol for my astrological sign, Cancer, I did a double-take: The … read more Day 69: Six and nine
Day 68: Stars aligned
I have a map of Germany with yellow stars, marking the stops of a trip for next spring. The stars do not mark tourist attractions. None of the names would be familiar to anyone outside the region: Kulsheim, Merdingen, Weisenheim, Dornberg… Until today, those towns were just words on a spreadsheet, matched up with names … read more Day 68: Stars aligned
Day 67: Contours
He had no sharp angles. Every part of him offered curved lines. Every muscle had definition and volume. The model was perfect for drawing cross-contour lines… the lines which we practiced in the exercise for today, my first class in figure drawing. First, the “swoop” – the gesture line that describes the basic posture, following … read more Day 67: Contours