Do you have any unanswered emails from friends laying around? I usually have 4, 5, 8 of them flagged and waiting in my inbox. Some of them don’t make it to my to-do list. Sometimes they go unanswered for months. It isn’t that I don’t want to communicate with them. Often these emails are from … read more Unanswered
Month: January 2016
Down time
Another low-energy day. Hours of down time. Arggggh…. why? Maybe because my sleep was broken up; maybe because it’s a Sunday; maybe because it’s the day after a good time out on the town and a 3D movie. But whatever the reason, it made the day into a struggle. One that the aneurysm itself created. This … read more Down time
The Force re-awakens
On my 18th birthday, I went with a group of friends to see a movie that had made a big splash about six weeks before. It was called “Star Wars.” It cost $11 million to make, which was real money then, and it drew oohs and ahhs with the special effects. I don’t remember being … read more The Force re-awakens
Remembering Osama
Last night, on a re-run of The Newsroom, the killing of Osama bin Laden was the major news event of the day. May 1, 2011. I watched the reporters and other Americans cheering and high-fiving, and it brought back the feelings I had that day. I wasn’t jubilant. I was sad. My sorrow was not, of … read more Remembering Osama
The new normal
Today is the first time I’ve been moving at a normal speed for the whole day. Although I didn’t exactly jump out of bed, I woke up around 7:30 a.m. and had a normal morning routine: a shower, coffee and breakfast, my art improv exercise, reading a magazine. A month ago, I couldn’t imagine normalcy … read more The new normal
In search of perfection
[I drafted this post the day I had my brain aneurysm.] As I read the book Edward Hopper by Lloyd Goodrich, I was arrested by this sentence, The result, he said, was never quite what he had in his mind. This gave me a great sense of relief – that even Hopper, whose work is in the … read more In search of perfection
Workouts on paper
The state of my brain has begun to come out in my construction paper workouts. One that partially expresses the feeling of having been attacked: Trying to regain my sense of equilibrium: From yesterday, one that gets at the resistance from my brain to my own commands: Here’s me, with my ever-shifting levels of energy: And … read more Workouts on paper
Still growing
I harvested mint today, and lavender. The oregano and thyme are still growing, thick as hair. Even strands of chives are green in the pot. It’s January 4. The herbs on my deck are now 10 months old. I thought it was great to harvest herbs in November. Didn’t imagine it would go into the depths of winter. But … read more Still growing
Alone again, part 3
I have been dreading today. The end of Tom’s vacation. He goes back to the city, and I’m alone again. We made the best of it. But eventually, he loaded up the car, kissed me goodbye, and blinked his headlights in a final wave as I stood on the porch steps. I have been here … read more Alone again, part 3
The divided self
There is a split in my mind, in my love of life. It makes me crazy. Painting, photography, writing essays, singing … these make me feel happy and free when I’m immersed in them. But always the argument from the other side of the brain. That’s not enough. It’s not practical. You can’t make a living … read more The divided self