The oak, falling – Part 2

I could hear the chainsaws across the valley a little after 8 a.m., and I knew it was at my house. I sat on Sara’s deck, looking out into the obliterating mist, and cried. She came out and sat with me. We talked and drank coffee. Finally, I got dressed and drove to my house, where a 10-ton oak … read more The oak, falling – Part 2

A thousand fears

Saturday’s supposed to be the easy, fun day. The one where you just relax and do whatever you feel like. I spent most of the day nearly paralyzed with anxiety. Every thought leads to a fear. In the shower, I move very slowly, afraid of falling. I watch Tom warily, because I’m afraid he will up … read more A thousand fears

Making room

I woke up to this post from my friend Lee Howard that smacked me in the face: You’ve all been so amazing and compassionate with the massacres at Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, Paris, and Belgium and places far afield.  … Guess what, it’s generally crickets chirping when it comes to a gay massacre in this country. … read more Making room

The most lush spring ever

Self-centered creature that I am, I’ve been feeling as though this spring was designed and built JUST FOR ME. With a long winter of struggling through recovery from brain surgery, I felt shrunken and afraid. Then the flowers bloomed. And bloomed. And kept blooming. It has been a spring of tremendous abundance. I hoped to see one … read more The most lush spring ever

Being an idiot

Stupid. Idiot. Dumb-a**. Fool. Nitwit. Dope. Dipsh*t. Brainless.   You use those words much? I have. They’re insults we throw around all the time: while driving or shopping, in heated Facebook discussions, yelling at the TV. Maybe we even mutter those words at ourselves when we make a big mistake. In nearly seven months since my … read more Being an idiot

Between heaven and hell

Their branches curve thick and muscled as the arms of thugs on the waterfront. Their leaves sprout glossy and tough, built to survive temperatures 20 degrees below zero. Their roots defy attacks, continuing to grow even when everything else on the tree has been chopped off. This plant is not just a survivor, but a warrior. The pollen is violent: … read more Between heaven and hell