After all I went through with this house, and despite all the new parts to it, much is the same – the architecture, the possessions, the view. The great room isn’t quite the same – half the books are gone from the shelves. The wall hangings are still in a box. The stained glass lamp … read more Unchanged
Tag: time
Claims on me
It’s a rather long list. Coffee table, stained glass lamp, two storage bins, Turkish stone vase, Baluch tapestries, stoneware crock and mixing bowls, fireplace, patio table, cantina lights, solar driveway lights, window blind … Twenty items, all told, that were damaged or destroyed in the past six months – when the tree fell, during house … read more Claims on me
New house
[Sunday, Jan. 15] We slept soundly, and woke up this morning in our own bed at last. It squeaked. Loudly. In the dozen years we’ve owned it, the frame hasn’t squeaked before. The movers left off some screws when they reassembled it. I’ve always loved the smell of this house that emanates from the raw wood … read more New house
Bits of my life
As I continued today to sort paperwork, I fought a particular sadness that always fills me when I dredge through the past. Whether it’s reading old journals, shredding financial records, or just trawling through a pile of memorabilia that I’ve collected, I end up feeling a bit nauseated and sometimes depressed. It isn’t that the memories are bad, … read more Bits of my life
Time to change
I hate the time change. Why do we bother? We’re on Daylight Savings Time more than we are on regular time. It makes no sense. When I was a kid, after the Uniform Time Act of 1966, we had Daylight Savings for seven months a year. I remember people being confused by the time change, … read more Time to change
Here and gone and still here
A couple of weeks ago, I was throwing a load of recycling into the condo community bins, and I was really tired. I sat in the car for a moment after I emptied the load, looking blankly out through the windshield. A point of light on the ground attracted my eye. Something big and white and round. … read more Here and gone and still here
The wind
Awake at 5 a.m., I curl up on the couch and listen to the wind hurling acorns against the house like bullets. There is a magical sound among the bangs and booms. It’s the heavy silver wind chime that my cousins gave us in memory of Mom. I asked my sisters if I could have this chime so that … read more The wind
Jagged edges
As I stepped out onto the broken deck, I felt a shifting, an instability, as though the whole house was moving under my feet. Vertigo… the house weaving as though to spin and suck me down into the earth. Though I wasn’t there when the oak fell, the impact hits me whenever I enter the house. We … read more Jagged edges
Counting my pennies
The day was a struggle. Couldn’t find things, couldn’t do art, my brain was not working, my feelings were painful and confused. I broke out a new brick of pennies, and sorted four rolls into years. I was still crying at the end of those 200 pennies, but I felt a little bit better. So I … read more Counting my pennies
Whatever makes you happy
I got a free therapy session, courtesy of a fellow caregiver. He wrote, My counselor asked me last night, “what makes you unhappy?” I was struck by that. I struggled to find something that made me unhappy. I started to blame (my ill spouse) for not taking care of herself, to justify my unhappiness. But … read more Whatever makes you happy